That Hipster Sub

I'm not one unaccustomed to people staring at me. Since I was in middle school, I've had a somewhat unconventional sense of style, and my hair is usually huge in some form or another (at one time it was short and circular, now it's long and curly). I'm almost six feet tall, and I am not a naturally slender person. Not overweight, but never, ever small.

It used to bother me, when I would go somewhere and people were overt about giving me a second glance or looking just a few seconds longer than "normal". At that point in my life, I was worried about why they felt the need to keep looking--Am I too fat? Too weirdly dressed? Is it my hair? Is it my height? What is it? Why am I that interesting? I had quite a bit of fear of taking my uniqueness just a bit too far... I worried about what people thought of me fairly constantly, and it wasn't until a few years ago that I gained as much self-assurance as I have now (which still isn't as intact as I like to think it is). At this point, I usually just return the eye contact and take it in stride. I'd rather border on freakish than be nondescript.

This past summer, I worked at a daycare. Very small kids are awesome, because they really don't notice if you're different. Sure, they notice everything, but not the way adults do. They didn't stare at me any more than they stared at any of their teachers. This is the beauty of a child; they see you and accept you as you are. They might ask you why some things about you look a certain way, but they aren't asking in a negative or accusatory or judgmental manner. They're just asking. So I got used to being "normal".

On top of that, my friends know me well enough at this point that they don't give my weirdness a second glance, especially because it is majorly toned down since middle school and high school. At that point, I was whirlwind of spiky short hair (kind of a punk afro), argyle socks, camouflage, neon colors, and floor length skirts. Even people who don't know me generally see me as an adult (a fact I'm not sure I have fully endorsed), and I think that now I dress just unconventionally enough to fall in the hipster category without falling into the holy-cow-look-at-that-girl's-outfit category.

This fall, I began substitute teaching for elementary, middle, and high school students around my town. It has been an interesting experience. I'd almost forgotten I'm not "normal" until I started this job. First of all, I just graduated from college. I'm only 22, so I am one of the youngest subs in the system. The students are always taken aback when they see me-- I could be friends with some of the seniors in a different time and place. Also, according to almost every class I've subbed for, I don't look like a teacher.

We all remember our subs-- crotchety old ladies who taught once upon a time, but that was in the seventies, and they have long since retired. They reemerge in public schools that move much too quickly for them, grumpy about kids who talk, kids who have phones, kids who wear ripped jeans--kids in general.

So as I stand in front of them-- tall, big hair, unconventional clothes, nose ring, eyeliner, and just so young, they're confused. I always feel a little uncomfortable for a few seconds, and always say something like, "So, as you can see, I'm not your teacher..." which is usually met with giggles and a few comments like, "Well that's for sure." After that ice breaks, I'm fine. I get less worried about whether or not they'll take me seriously and more interested in getting to know them as students. And students of every age are fairly open in their assessments of me as well. A few things I've heard so far:

-Wait... you are our sub?

-How old are you? You look like a 16-year-old. (told to me by a seventh grader)

-Can you sub here again? (Before I even said a word to the class)

-I've never had a sub who looks like you.

-You look like that girl who sings "Royals". (Lorde)

And it's funny, because I know that 90% of the time, they like me without knowing me at all. After all, if you could pick between a young "hipster" sub or an old lady with her knitting needles poking out of her bag, who would you pick? Who would you have picked in high school? I know that there are plenty of other subs who are also not ancient and grumpy, but that is the stereotype and I certainly don't fit that.

Looking like someone you would meet thrifting (which, let's be honest, is definitely somewhere you could meet me) and not like a typical teacher has both drawbacks and advantages. Yes, students naturally feel a little more inclined to think I'm cool, and they don't want me to have to tell them to stop messing around. So in that way, I inadvertently demand respect. Demand doesn't seem like the right word. Too assertive. I just sort of am young and interesting, so they want to listen a little more.

However, that whole young thing is a disadvantage as well. Being a 22-year-old authority figure for 18-year-old seniors is a little weird. A few of my friends are barely older than that. I certainly don't feel any older than I felt when I was 18. I remember being a senior, feeling old for high school but young for Life After High School, which was both terrifying and exhilarating to think about. I still feel that tension as a 22-year-old. For all intents and purposes, I am young.

Most people are still older than me, and I have that undeniable feeling of having pretty much my whole life ahead of me. So do I feel like I can stand at the front of the room and tell a bunch of legal adults to read a story by Poe and answer a prompt? Some days. Some days, it's obvious to them and to me that they're not going to listen and I can't make them.

But even with days where I feel like I did almost nothing helpful, I like it. It's really kind of a cool experience, for the most part. I get to go into a school (most of the time a school I have heard of but never seen from the inside) and meet some students. I get to see the layout of the building, the culture of the school, and then leave. As someone who wrapped up student teaching in May, I love the distinct and beautiful aspect of subbing that I never have to make lesson plans. I've subbed every age level, and I've begun to figure out what ages I really like to work with. I always love that dreaded wasteland of middle school. But that's another post for another day.

Today, I just thought I would give insight into what it's like to be That Hipster Sub.